How to Know if a Coach is NOT Right for You

...and what to do about it



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You decided that you need a coach. You’d like mentorship, support and guidance for what you’re doing in your life; maybe with growing your business, or with your relationships. Or maybe you just want some general guidance. You walk on this life journey, right? Support and guidance and mentorship would be a great thing! You look for a coach and start to see people that you connect with.

But how do you know when a coach is not the right one for you? Once you make that decision, what do you do about it?

One of the primary things that I offer as a service in my business is coaching. I love coaching! I love the instant gratification of helping people and then seeing the shift happen in real time. It’s so empowering! But I’m also a coaching client because I love that clarity and perspective that a coach gives you. They can see the forest instead of the tree. They get outside of your bubble and give you this higher level perspective that you didn’t see. They can also keep you accountable. They give you support and challenge you to do what you don’t think is possible and achieve new levels in your business and in your life. I totally believe in the power of coaching. It’s amazing.

That being said, let me share a story with you. I recently found a woman offering services around a certain area of my business that I want to develop. She had some really neat outcomes that included a networking element. I was intrigued because this is my “Year of Visibility” in my business. I signed up for a call with her; a quick 30-minute session; just to get to know each other. Aaaaand… I knew right away she was not the coach for me.

How did I know? How can you know? What do you do about it? There are so many coaches out there! Finding a coach is like dating; it’s as much about personality interaction and chemistry as it is about items on a checklist that you’d like to have.

Here’s what happened: I jumped on this call with this woman and she started telling me what I should be doing with my business. She gave me a list a few miles long. I started getting this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I looked at this list – and let me just say that I’m not afraid of taking action; I’m not afraid of taking on big projects – but I looked at the list and started to feel panicky.

Why? Because I’m not doing any of the stuff on this list. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong! Do I really have to implement all this? When am I going to find the time to do that? How am I going to fit this in with my other plans? I could just feel the anxiety building!

So here are my tips:

  1. If you are having a conversation with a potential coach and you experience a feeling of dread: not the coach for you.

You want to have a coach who’s willing to like give you kick in the pants if you need it! Getting pushed to higher levels requires stepping outside your comfort zone. All of that is cool, but the dread feeling is something entirely different.

  1. You should feel like you’re having fun!

There should be a certain amount of ease with your coach. You should feel inspired and empowered by the conversation. You should feel ready to do it; ready to take action!

  1. If you are talking past each other like two ships passing in the night, it’s not great fit (aka AWKWARD).

Through the course of my conversation with this woman, we didn’t get any of each other’s jokes. It was bad. Not just *crickets* but painfully awkward. She said something meant as a joke and I was a little put off by it. Then she had to explain “that was a joke.” Insert my nervous laughter because I didn’t really get it (and still don’t). Then later I said something that offended her because she turned it back around on me. Not a great conversation.

There are lots of brilliant coaches out there who offer incredible services and are very good at what they do. But they aren’t all going to be right for you. That’s fine! So what do you do when you realize they just aren’t the one for you?

If you’ve had a conversation, I want you to look at your notes. If you find any little bits of wisdom you want to take forward, jot them down in a permanent location. Then take your notes and tear them up. Better yet, burn them in the fireplace! Send them off! Release them back into the cosmos. Those ideas will go help somebody else on a different day. You don’t need them in your life if they are filling you with that sense of dread. Find a coach who does resonate with you and inspires you to be better and take action. Don’t sweat anything else!

How about a coach you follow on social media? Or you read their blog? You don’t have a personal relationship, but you’re on their mailing list. You’re inspired by what they’re doing and what they say. But what if they start saying things that don’t resonate with you? Or you look at their newest offerings and just think “Meh.” You never feel inspired to buy anything this coach creates. You don’t feel inspired to watch any of the coach’s trainings. Unsubscribe! Stop following them on social media! Leave their facebook group!

Honestly, you don’t need to be a part of every facebook group. I’m sure there were opportunities for networking there with other participants, but if you don’t jive with the leader it’s not the right group for you. There are plenty of groups and you’ll find one that you’re going to resonate with more. Instead of filling you with dread every time you participate (which ends up with you just ignoring it altogether *gasp*) a well-matched group will inspire you to greatness!

Remember that if you aren’t using the information, it becomes spam. Even if it was well-intentioned information! Who needs more spam? Unsubscribe from the mailing list. Unlike the page. Leave the facebook group. It’s okay! Then go find a tribe that does resonate with you because there are many! We are all just looking to help you!

Let me tell you from my perspective as a coach: I am not offended when people want to step away from my tribe. I want them to find a coach who resonates with them! I’m happy to support them in finding someone I feel is a good fit for them; even if it’s the lady I talked to who filled me with dread. I will happily recommend someone but I don’t want anyone to stay who isn’t resonating with my message.

OK, so hopefully you’re reading this blog and you watched my video and you do resonate with my message. I hope you hear what I had to say and you’re inspired! Hopefully you like the way I talk, and you think I’m a little goofy. That’s cool; I like to be goofy! I want to invite you to come and join my tribe and stay in touch. For super low commitment, just get on my email list. Go on over to the home page of my site where there’s a little box for your email address. You’ll get some free video content and you can see more of my face! Then you’ll get some emails from me and we can stay in touch. You can keep tabs on what I’m doing. When I put out something of interest to you it will resonate with you because you resonate with me and we’re connected like that. We have that chemistry!

If you are looking for a coach/mentor/guide and you’re inspired by who I am and what I say and what I do, I would be so honored to have a one-on-one conversation with you. We’ll see if there’s a good fit. We’ll see if there’s chemistry and if we get each other’s jokes. If you’re interested in that, I invite you to fill out an application, and we’ll set up my free 45 minute Catalyst Session. It’s just a conversation to see where you are, what you’re working on, and if my kind of coaching and mentorship is right for you. I’d be so glad to hear from you either way! I’m so glad you’re here whether you’re in my tribe or just passing through. I just encourage you to find the coaches/mentors/gurus/guides who light you up. You deserve that! 

  1. dr ron says:

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    MVP Seminars . . . .

    Dear Amy,

    We are a large family run seminar company, with offices in Santa Barbara, Palm Springs & N. Calif. Our main marketing thrust is nationwide & corporate. If you would like more speaking/training business opportunities, please visit our website: & contact us for more info.
    This link will also answer some of your questions:

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    Phone: 916-209-3298

  2. Matthew Anello says:

    What a great blog Amy! A subject that I have yet to see addressed!

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Feeling overwhelmed by the scope of your product ideas? Trying not to create in a vacuum but feeling sucked in anyway? Plan your product development cycles to build in flexibility and play while making moolah along the way with the Spiral Product Design Roadmap.

it's free!
100% Privacy Guaranteed.